Day Forty

Rambling: ræm.blɪŋ  adjective. Confused and inconsequential talk or writing.

I’m not usually a bad-tempered person.  I’m kind to small children and puppies, I recycle,  only eat meat once a fortnight and  regularly donate goods to charity shops.

 

However, Lockdown seems to have eroded my tolerance somewhat so that this morning, I yelled at my computer.

It wasn’t exactly the computer’s fault but that of Google, specifically their Calendar.

It came up with a notice, the same one it’s been throwing in my face for the past forty days:

“You have no events scheduled today”

I KNOW, I know, no need to rub it in!!

I may be going deaf.

 On the other hand, as I’ve spoken to no one for ages it may just be that my ears are on strike. 

I frequently mis-hear things. 

Some years ago, broadcaster Arthur Marshall reported hearing on the radio a report: ‘Fighting has broken out in Debenhams.’

  

It worried him until he realised they were speaking about fighting in Lebanon, which worried him even more..   

I was listening to BBC Radio 4 last night,  a discussion about The Crusades.   

The woman speaker said about the English knights, ‘....they became  quite restless when they had no water fight….’

The image of exceedingly bored mediaeval barons throwing down their swords and deciding to squirt one another with  full bladders was quite  entertaining until I realised what she’d actually  said.

‘They became quite restless when they had no war to fight.’    

I felt as deflated as an empty pig’s bladder.

There were several crusades between 1096 and 1271.   In those days, Roman Catholicism was the only religion and when Pope Urban declared the first sortie, he promised massive forgiveness of sins to anyone who took part.

Quin Shi Huang,  Emperor of China once famously said, 'There are only two fitting occupations for a man: fighting and growing food.'

Mediaeval knights who had reputations for being very sinful indeed and didn't know the first thing about food, other than how to eat it,  did a bit of crowdsourcing aka compulsory taxation of the peasants,  and off they went, leaving the women in charge.

So it’s no surprise to discover that during the  time they were out of the way, London became the capital of England;  Eleanor of Aquitane ascended the throne and both Oxford and Cambridge Universities were established.

Coincidence?  

Okay then, what about this?

Just after the knights and barons came back,  the Black Death killed a third of the population.   

In addition to mis-hearing I’m also getting slow-witted. 

A friend rang the other day to tell me she and her husband were buying a joint present for their grandchildren.

It took me quite a while to understand she wasn’t talking about a leg  of pork.