Day Thirty Three

 Friends in the UK have written to say it’s increasingly hard to keep up personal standards, especially hygiene and dress codes,  during lockdown.

With no office to commute to, Sarah is working from home and although her husband Julian is self-employed, the demand for a peripatetic chef catering for weddings, has all but dried up.

Sarah says she doesn’t always bother to dress; Julian has not changed for about 3 weeks and of course, not having access to hair-dressers has meant their coiffures have slipped a little.

This has slightly affected their marriage. Julian says he can’t stand the sight of her, Sarah says she can’t stand the smell of him.

The dog has left home.

They sent me a photo.

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A recent newspaper article states that many elderly people in lockdown have been acquiring pets to keep them company. 

 In my experience there’d be no point in asking for a cat, they’re a law unto themselves. Company and comfort is not in their dictionary.

This is MissPuss, she takes no prisoners and if you want to stroke and pet her, you'd be wise to book a bed in ICU first.

  

Given the Lockdown instructions to vulnerable older persons: “Stay home and keep your mouth shut”  (the latter part recently relaxed when it was discovered that many older people were unable to converse because their dentures had seized up)  I wonder how actually getting a pet works?

‘Hello? I’d like a dog please,’

‘Certainly Madam, would that be large, medium or small?’

‘Small.’

‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like a large dog, we have a lovely Manchester Terrier here?’

‘Oh, I couldn’t take that, my late Albert was from Yorkshire.’

‘A Rottweiler then, excellent guard dogs and when you’re able to go out, you could harness it to your shopping trolley.’

‘No thanks, I’d like a very tiny one.’

‘Shi Tzu?’

‘Bless you.’

‘Or we have a Chihuahua, how would that suit?’

‘Perfect, can you post it to me?’

‘I’m afraid that’s not possible, they don’t fit into the $5 envelope. I can deliver it though’.

‘But how can you do that when we have to stay at least two metres apart? If you put it over my gate it might just run next door.  They had a dog until we found out supermarkets couldn’t deliver.  I haven’t seen it lately.’

‘Do you have a bucket?’

‘Eh?’

‘A bucket. You see what we do, now  everyone is in lockdown, is fire the dog over the hedge using a large catapult, or we call it the Dogapult, but you’ll have to catch it in a bucket.’

‘Oh dear, I’m not sure I can do that, I wear bifocals. Perhaps you could just post me a gerbil?’